Creating My Way Out
So far, my 30's have been exhausting. I have two years left in this decade, and I have decided to make these last two count (despite the last 7 years being a hot ass mess).
Let me recap my 30s for you. Let’s see…
Got married. Became a step-mom and later a biological mother of 2 girls. At some point got primary custody of my stepdaughter. Ongoing drama with her mother. A dark cloud called depression and anxiety came and stayed. Rocky 8 years of marriage. Horrible manager who caused 6 years of workplace trauma (appreciate my job but don’t love it). Struggled financially. Paralyzed by fear and doubt. Judged a lot of people due to my own projections, insecurities, and envy. Lots of heavy lifting in therapy and marriage counseling. Constant judgement about myself as a mother. Struggled with weight gain. Found religion. Threw out religion. And trying to understand and find the real Candid. Needless to say, this shit has been exhausting. And that’s just pre-Corona Virus.
"Needless to say, this shit has been exhausting. And that’s just pre-Corona Virus."
With a lot of therapy, medication, self-help books, meditation, yoga, and my own non-religious connection with God, I have a much better understanding of me and how I came to be this person. I have also decided which parts of me I want to renounce and which parts I want to keep due to my childhood traumas, nurturing, child rearing, experiences, and teachings as well as what things I want to adapt. I’m finding the things that are my true essence. What I have found is that, at my core, I am a creative and a creator. My medium to be creative and create are writing, abstract art, and photography. Over the years, I have picked those art forms up and put them down because I internalized the fears people projected onto me and paralyzed myself with that fear.
This is the first time in my life that, at age 38, I feel free. I feel free from my own thoughts, judgments, and fears as well as other people’s thoughts, judgments, and fears. I feel free to share my art with the world. Candidbrandon.com is my platform to do so. This is my creative site to share my books, artwork, photography, and candid thoughts on all my intersecting identities through my blog. This is my space to be me and connect with others who have a connection with my writing and art. I’m creating my way out of the funk that was my 30s thus far and creating a way into my 40s with purpose, freedom, and joy.